Adventurer’s Guild Names “Most Useful Weapon”

                The Adventurer’s Guild recently polled many of its most successful members, past and present, to determine what the single most useful weapon is.  The weapon had to meet several criteria:

  1. Ease of Use
  2. Usefulness in all tech zones
  3. Effectiveness
  4. Cost
  5. Availability

                These criteria quickly cut down a number of potential weapons from the list.  A battle axe might be very effective, for example, but it is not exactly an easy weapon to master.  Similarly, a plasma rifle is an awesome weapon in Megalopolis, but practically useless in the Coalition of City States.  Magical weapons also had to be cut from the list not only because of their ineffectiveness in high tech zones, but also because of their high price tag.

                In the end, the bolt-action Springfield rifle with bayonet won the day. 

               You may not agree with the ultimate decision, but you can’t argue with the logic.  The weapon has been used extensively throughout Valhalla and different models of it are still being manufactured in both the Allied Nations and the Coalition of American States. 

                “This really is a remarkable weapon,” Edgar Stillwell of the Adventurer’s Guild explains.  “Firing a 30.06 round there is enough stopping power there to take down a charging Minotaur.    Since it is a bolt-action weapon it can be used in lower technology areas with minimal disruption.  While someone might not achieve great success in a TL1 area, its rate of fire will increase the odds of an eventual hit.  Even if you can’t score a hit at range, you still have your bayonet to back you up!”

Mortician Found Guilty of Heinous Crime

                Xander Powell was found guilty today of over two hundred counts of gross abuse of a corpse.  Powel used his Megalopolis-based funeral home service as a front to sell body parts as magic components across the border in nearby Xa’cor dy Yelpheet. 

                Mr. Powell had set up a shell company, Magic Makers LLC, to use as a front for his illegal operations.  The company was chiefly engaged in the sale of legitimate magical goods, but it made a lot of money in the illegal sale of human body parts.  In fact the profits from this second company were so great that he probably didn’t even need to go to the risk of selling the ghastly illegal goods.

                His plot was eventually discovered when a Greek merchant doing business in Megalopolis used the Powell’s Funeral Home to bury his wife.  “I put a coin in her mouth to pay the Ferry Man,” reads his statement to the INSL detectives.  “That is when I noticed that her tongue was missing.”

                Once the police were notified they searched his warehouse and found multiple human remains.  As they exhumed the bodies of many of his victims, the legal counts quickly multiplied.  The fact that so many of the bodies were cremated means that we will never really know the true extent of his crime.  We do know that he will not be getting out of prison any time soon.  He was sentenced to five years in jail for each count.  He will not have a chance of parole for over two hundred and fifty years.

The World’s Greatest Hippocampus Race

                I am not much of a sports fan, but when I heard about the Yamm Hippocampus Race I was intrigued.  As I watched part of the race, I found myself totally drawn in.  Afterward I had to research it and find out everything I could.

                This race started twenty years ago by necessity.  The Sea Elves had purchased four hundred of the creatures from the Phoenicians.  Due to bad weather, shipping mishaps, and other unanticipated problems, it looked as though the Phoenicians would default.  This is a costly prospect with the Sea Elves.

                Fortunately a group of daring, young Phoenicians decided to ride the creatures in a great herd from their homeland.  All the way to the Amazonian port of Anun Dilla.  This port is roughly half-way between the two civilizations.  It was the agreed-upon location for completing the transaction.

                Together, fifty Phoenicians drove five hundred Hippocampi from their homeland to Ada-Kar, then through the Greek island chain, across to the Minoans, and finally down to Xa’cor dy Yelpheet, a journey of over three thousand miles!  It took them the better part of a month to complete the trek, but they managed to do it with minimal loss of lives and livestock. 

                As tribute to the gods, the Phoenicians sacrificed half of the remaining animals.  They then each kept one of the animals for themselves and set the rest free.  Decedents of those freed hippocampi can be found there still. 

                The men who returned from this trek became national heroes and were awarded money, lands, and property.  Eventually the surviving members created a group called (translated from Phoenician) “The Brotherhood of the Waterhorse.”  Upon their deaths, each member could pass its membership to a person of their choosing.  The brotherhood survives to this day.  It is filled with prominent members of society.

                 In its present state, the race is run in three parts on consecutive months.  The first runs from Phoenicia to the Greek islands.  The second goes from the Greek islands to Minoa.  The last runs from Minoa to Anun Dilla.  Together they are known as the Yamm Trident.

                This year’s victory by Itthobaal Hamilcar marks the first time in history, that one person has won all three prongs of the Yamm Trident in the same year.  As it so happens, Mr. Hamilcar is a direct descendent of one of the original members of the Brotherhood.

                Congratulations Itthoobaal!